Paranoia

Being the grown-up in our house has many advantages: I can eat the kids' Halloween candy after I've put them to bed; I can also let the kids watch movies all day!

There are also some disadvantages, the biggest of which I experienced last night: fear that someone will come into my house in the middle of the night and kill my kids and me.

I don't know if this is a mom thing or some kind of neurotic episode I was experiencing or what.  We live in a very safe and respectable area.  Earlier in the day, I saw a few creepy headlines about these bold criminals waltzing into people's houses and raping and/or killing its residents.  Well, I took it all to bed with me last night.

The images that went through my brain were some of the most horrific and unimaginable things that have ever crossed my mind.

Of course, I was hearing things in the house... things I hear all the time (the heater going on, cars passing by, neighbors' car doors opening and closing, airplanes, trains).  But all of those things somehow morphed into intruders.  Vicious, merciless, strong, armed intruders.  I began to make a plan in my head.  Exactly what would I do if someone were to come into the house?  Grab my phone?  Grab the kids?  Break the windows and start screaming for help?

Before my John had to go back to Texas after we moved into this house, he placed a metal baseball bat next to the front door, "just in case," he said.  Well, that bat has made its way into my room, and resides right beside my bed.  Safe, right?  Well, what if I tried to use it against an attacker in the middle of the night, and they somehow manage to wrestle the bat from my hands?  Bam.  I'm dead.

And don't even get me started on the awful things I'd thought about my precious babies.  They're still so young.  They wouldn't know what to do, where to start.  I've taught my six-year-old how to use my phone to call 911, and he knows my cell phone number and John's cell phone number, but would he remember what to do in a situation like that?  We don't have a land line, and we still don't have the phone numbers of any neighbors yet.

I'm bringing my pepper spray to bed with me from now on.  Hopefully that will be enough to -- at the very least -- calm my paranoia.

Does anyone else out there get like that?  Any singles moms?  Or single dads?  Or even happily married parents that get to go to bed together every night safely and soundly?

May God have mercy on the soul of any person who attempts to hurt my precious loves.  Because I won't.